Fast Food Sausages / Hot Dogs

Real Chicagoans Don’t Put Ketchup On Hot Dogs…

lick my wiener

Get off your high horse… since when is it illegal for me to put ketchup on a hot dog? People who say this really annoy me, as if I don’t know a good Chicago hot dog because of the condiments I do, or do not, put on it.  Hot dog “aficionados” will tell you that a real Chicago-style hot dog should only have the following: yellow mustard, white onions, neon green relish, a dill pickle spear, tomato slices, sport peppers and a dash of celery salt… and that’s all well and good, but it doesn’t make me any less of a hot dog lover if I don’t get those exact condiments on my hot dog.

I just hate these people who think they are holier than thou when it comes to hot dogs because they choose to eat a “true” Chicago-style hot dog, while I like ketchup on mine… seriously, get over yourself. You do realize that you are shoving some of the worst possible food into your body that you can right? Processed meat full of salt and “cancer causing” sodium nitrates… not to mention the “meat” is just whatever they could scrape off the bone and mash into a nice creamy pink paste, granted it’s a delicious pink meat-paste, but I don’t know that meat should ever reach the “paste” form. I honestly think the real reason that there is so much crap loaded onto a Chicago-style dog is that whoever first came up with it didn’t want to feel like less of a man when he ate a hot dog due to the phallic shape of the meat, that he had to load it up with anything he could find to make sure that nobody mistook it for a giant meat torpedo as it entered his mouth… Relax dude, we know you love women, you don’t have to continue telling us that as you’re munching down on your dog. We don’t even care if you put ketchup on it, just don’t put mayonnaise on it because when it gets all over your face…. well let’s just say it’s not helping your cause.

So put whatever the hell you want on your hot dog, we won’t judge you. Hell, I’m going to go load up a hot dog with ketchup and soy sauce right now, I call it Asian Fusion… apparently the cool thing to do these days is to fuse things with Asians, so I’m gonna go fuse my tubed meat with Asian.

About the author

Tom

I'm a married man in his 30's who doesn't really "like" food. If it weren't for my wife I would be living off of pizza and cheeseburgers for the rest of my life. Follow me as I venture slightly out of my comfort zone to try different foods and restaurants.

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